Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but
its foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts.
ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!

High bar: Linux starts swinging and after 8 tries is able to spin around
the bar one time. A nervous grin crosses its fluxbox face as it
prepares for the dismount... and here it come... and
ssppllllaaaaaattttttt!!! It's a full face plant in the mat! Turns out
the HorizSync settings were entered incorrectly when the coach had to
manually edit xorg.conf. Whoops!

Vault: Linux lumbers down the runway, panics the moment it hits the
springboard... and plows face first into the vault apparatus. pow!
Broken and bloodied nose!

Floor exercise: wearing a 'KDE == bloat' t-shirt, a helmet and bandages
on both knees and ankles and wrists, Linux goes for its first tumbling
pass but has a dynamic mmap error and forgets where it is and goes
running off the floor and bowls over 4 coaches and crashes into the stands.

Uneven bars: having learned from its high bar fiasco, and now showing
surprising agility for such a clumsy system, Linux smoothly swings
around and between the low and high bars. Now here comes the dismount!
aaannnndddd.... crunch!! Linux has landed completely upside down -
right on its fat head. Seems the settings for VertRefresh were entered
incorrectly when the coach had to manually edit xorg.conf. Whoops!

Still rings: after eight helpers get the groggy, confused operating
system onto the still rings, it shows some strength but miraculously
freezes in the iron cross position... and just hangs there for 10
minutes. Audience is impressed at first, then realizes what's happened
and starts booing. Finally a taser to the foot restarts the frozen mess.

Parallel bars: since Linux's left hand is always out of sync with its
right hand, this apparatus becomes a mockery. Linux is literally
hanging upside down, grimacing, with one leg and one arm over the bars,
until it slowly slips off and hits the ground flat on its back with a
loud thud. wwooommmmppppp!!! The normally stone-faced Romanian judge
howls with laughter!

Pommel horse: Linux makes a big show out of chalking its hands
(audience roars when it reveals its amateur nature and puts chalk on its
feet), then climbs onto the horse and starts bucking and pretending to
throw a lasso. Nearby coach drags Linux off the pommel, berates it for
not recognizing the equipment, then ejects it from the arena.

Despite its last place showing, the 3 Linux fans in the stand clap and
cheer loudly and proclaim "Linux won! MS is doomed!".

On 2024-07-20 11:23 a.m., DFS wrote:
> Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but
> its foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts.
> ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!
>
> High bar: Linux starts swinging and after 8 tries is able to spin around
> the bar one time.  A nervous grin crosses its fluxbox face as it
> prepares for the dismount... and here it come... and
> ssppllllaaaaaattttttt!!!  It's a full face plant in the mat!  Turns out
> the HorizSync settings were entered incorrectly when the coach had to
> manually edit xorg.conf.  Whoops!
>
> Vault: Linux lumbers down the runway, panics the moment it hits the
> springboard... and plows face first into the vault apparatus.   pow!
> Broken and bloodied nose!
>
> Floor exercise: wearing a 'KDE == bloat' t-shirt, a helmet and bandages
> on both knees and ankles and wrists, Linux goes for its first tumbling
> pass but has a dynamic mmap error and forgets where it is and goes
> running off the floor and bowls over 4 coaches and crashes into the stands.
>
> Uneven bars: having learned from its high bar fiasco, and now showing
> surprising agility for such a clumsy system, Linux smoothly swings
> around and between the low and high bars.  Now here comes the dismount!
> aaannnndddd.... crunch!!  Linux has landed completely upside down -
> right on its fat head.  Seems the settings for VertRefresh were entered
> incorrectly when the coach had to manually edit xorg.conf.  Whoops!
>
> Still rings:  after eight helpers get the groggy, confused operating
> system onto the still rings, it shows some strength but miraculously
> freezes in the iron cross position... and just hangs there for 10
> minutes.  Audience is impressed at first, then realizes what's happened
> and starts booing.  Finally a taser to the foot restarts the frozen mess.
>
> Parallel bars: since Linux's left hand is always out of sync with its
> right hand, this apparatus becomes a mockery.  Linux is literally
> hanging upside down, grimacing, with one leg and one arm over the bars,
> until it slowly slips off and hits the ground flat on its back with a
> loud thud.  wwooommmmppppp!!!  The normally stone-faced Romanian judge
> howls with laughter!
>
> Pommel horse:  Linux makes a big show out of chalking its hands
> (audience roars when it reveals its amateur nature and puts chalk on its
> feet), then climbs onto the horse and starts bucking and pretending to
> throw a lasso.  Nearby coach drags Linux off the pommel, berates it for
> not recognizing the equipment, then ejects it from the arena.
>
> Despite its last place showing, the 3 Linux fans in the stand clap and
> cheer loudly and proclaim "Linux won!  MS is doomed!".

That's original, at the very least. I do wonder about the "hangs there
for ten minutes" part. Does anyone just let it hang for ten minutes and
wait for the system to figure itself out? Is that a standard us
potential Linux users need to acquaint ourselves with to use it?

--
CrudeSausage
Catholic, paleoconservative, Christ is king
Progressives are brain-damaged savages

On 2024-07-20, CrudeSausage <crude@sausa.ge> wrote:
> On 2024-07-20 11:23 a.m., DFS wrote:
>> Balance beam: the clumsy Linux operating system tries a side mount, but
>> its foot completely misses and it comes down hard and cracks its nuts.
>> ooofffmmmpphhhh!!!
>>
>> High bar: Linux starts swinging and after 8 tries is able to spin around
>> the bar one time.  A nervous grin crosses its fluxbox face as it
>> prepares for the dismount... and here it come... and
>> ssppllllaaaaaattttttt!!!  It's a full face plant in the mat!  Turns out
>> the HorizSync settings were entered incorrectly when the coach had to
>> manually edit xorg.conf.  Whoops!
>>
>> Vault: Linux lumbers down the runway, panics the moment it hits the
>> springboard... and plows face first into the vault apparatus.   pow!
>> Broken and bloodied nose!
>>
>> Floor exercise: wearing a 'KDE == bloat' t-shirt, a helmet and bandages
>> on both knees and ankles and wrists, Linux goes for its first tumbling
>> pass but has a dynamic mmap error and forgets where it is and goes
>> running off the floor and bowls over 4 coaches and crashes into the stands.
>>
>> Uneven bars: having learned from its high bar fiasco, and now showing
>> surprising agility for such a clumsy system, Linux smoothly swings
>> around and between the low and high bars.  Now here comes the dismount!
>> aaannnndddd.... crunch!!  Linux has landed completely upside down -
>> right on its fat head.  Seems the settings for VertRefresh were entered
>> incorrectly when the coach had to manually edit xorg.conf.  Whoops!
>>
>> Still rings:  after eight helpers get the groggy, confused operating
>> system onto the still rings, it shows some strength but miraculously
>> freezes in the iron cross position... and just hangs there for 10
>> minutes.  Audience is impressed at first, then realizes what's happened
>> and starts booing.  Finally a taser to the foot restarts the frozen mess.
>>
>> Parallel bars: since Linux's left hand is always out of sync with its
>> right hand, this apparatus becomes a mockery.  Linux is literally
>> hanging upside down, grimacing, with one leg and one arm over the bars,
>> until it slowly slips off and hits the ground flat on its back with a
>> loud thud.  wwooommmmppppp!!!  The normally stone-faced Romanian judge
>> howls with laughter!
>>
>> Pommel horse:  Linux makes a big show out of chalking its hands
>> (audience roars when it reveals its amateur nature and puts chalk on its
>> feet), then climbs onto the horse and starts bucking and pretending to
>> throw a lasso.  Nearby coach drags Linux off the pommel, berates it for
>> not recognizing the equipment, then ejects it from the arena.
>>
>> Despite its last place showing, the 3 Linux fans in the stand clap and
>> cheer loudly and proclaim "Linux won!  MS is doomed!".
>
> That's original, at the very least. I do wonder about the "hangs there
> for ten minutes" part. Does anyone just let it hang for ten minutes and
> wait for the system to figure itself out? Is that a standard us
> potential Linux users need to acquaint ourselves with to use it?

Poor fiction is often "original" — as well as being unreadable.

--
[Self-centered, Woke] "pride is a life of self-destructive fakery, an
entrapment to a false and self-created matrix of twisted unreality."
"It was pride that changed angels into devils..." — St. Augustine