I've once again angrammed some weird-news people to within an inch of
their twisted lives. Thuogh the first is fairly high-profile, I'll use
my summary from http://theanna.org/clip/november2023.html for all four.

Alaska Airlines pilot Joseph D. Emerson told aviation authorities that
he had been introduced to 'magic mushrooms' about two days before
boarding a domestic flight as an off-duty cockpit occupant. This, he
explained, is why he earnestly believed that pulling the levers to an
engine-fire-extinguishing system would wake him from a dream. What
it did do was cut off the fuel supply. After the flight crew reversed
his actions, the 44-year-old Emerson explained that he was amid a
depression-induced nervous breakdown and told them to 'cuff me right
now or it's going to be bad'.
Though they obliged, he still nearly activated an emergency exit
during descent, adding to the list of his crimes. While Emerson told
authorities 'I'm not fighting any charges you want to bring against
me, guys', he has declared himself innocent on all counts.

Pilot Joseph Emerson = Shrooms in jet, people!

Payton Shires was a newly minted social worker who decided to go above
and beyond the call of duty when counselling a 13-year-old Ohio boy as
part of the foster-care system. Shires, 24, allegedly had sex at
least twice with the boy, whose mother subsequently discovered
associated inappropriate text messages on his mobile phone. With
Columbus Police detectives listening in, the mother rang Shires and
obtained a confession, according to local media. Shires no longer is
part of the National Youth Advocate Program.

Payton Shires ~ spins a theory...
What was that theory exactly?
Payton Shires = OSHA: "Try penis"

We might even be able to tell the whole story, far into the future,
via anagrams:

Payton Shires =
Ah, penis story...
A pest is horny
"Son, therapy is..."
A python rises
Prison stay, eh?
Spinster ahoy!

No good deed goes unpunished, or at least that might be what
Oklahoma's Desiree Castaneda thinks, now that the baby shower she
threw for her daughter and 24-year-old Juan Miranda-Jara has landed
her 15 years in prison. The main issue is that the daughter was 12
years old when impregnated. While Castaneda, 33, does time for
child neglect and enabling child sexual abuse, Miranda-Jara is
serving a 20-year jail term. Meanwhile, the pre-teen girl's father is
supporting the pattern with a 12-year sentence for first-degree rape
in an apparently unrelated case.

Desiree Castaneda = Case: arse detained
Alternatively, we could chain things together for a three-parter...
See 'Arse!' candidate ~ Desiree Castaneda ~ earn a "Diseased!" etc.


Finally, Alford Lewis is a 19-year-old Texan who wanted to boost his
TikTok and YouTube viewer numbers. His numbers grew also on a
neighbourhood-watch platform where visitors to a Houston park were
trying to identify the culprit behind arbitrary punches in the face.
Confronted outside his home by Harris County sheriff's officers,
Lewis explained: 'You know, I just made a mistake, and everybody makes
mistakes.' He also claimed that after the 'bad part' of one of the
sucker-punch incidents, 'I shook his hand after and gave the man a
hug'.
Still, he offered this cogent advice for others: 'Before you go out
and do anything you feel is bad, or that could look bad, make sure,
like, people know. Or just don't do it at all.'

Alford Lewis = So feral & wild!
Ref, disallow ~ Alford Lewis!
Alford Lewis = Weirdo falls

--
A n n a S h e f l - For email, substitute 'usenet' for its anagram
- "Never eat more than you can lift." --Miss Piggy -
alt.anagrams FAQ: http://theanna.org/grams/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://theanna.org/grams/
Weird news archive and more: http://theanna.org/

In alt.anagrams, Lardy Girl <LG-usteen@asdf.fi> wrote:
> Alaska Airlines pilot Joseph D. Emerson told aviation authorities that

On a personal note, I learned of this incident while sitting in an
Alaska Airlines flight waiting for boarding to finish.

> Pilot Joseph Emerson = Shrooms in jet, people!

In jest: people < shroom.

> Payton Shires ~ spins a theory...
> What was that theory exactly?
> Payton Shires = OSHA: "Try penis"
>
> We might even be able to tell the whole story, far into the future,
> via anagrams:
>
> Payton Shires =
> Ah, penis story...
> A pest is horny
> "Son, therapy is..."
> A python rises
> Prison stay, eh?
> Spinster ahoy!

Really going above and beyond there.

Elijah
------
too much of a good thing ~ tha' touching goof-mood

Eli the Bearded <*@eli.users.panix.com> wrote:
> In alt.anagrams, Lardy Girl <LG-usteen@asdf.fi> wrote:

> On a personal note, I learned of this incident while sitting in an
> Alaska Airlines flight waiting for boarding to finish.

While a muzak version of 'Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds' played as
cabin audio, one would hope (cf. /The Towering Inferno/ right at the
top of the in-room film list of a fancy new high-rise hotel in
Japan, as reported by my father <mumble> decades ago).

> In jest: people < shroom.

Also we have
Pilot Joseph Emerson = Deep shrooms jive and...
Pilot Joseph Emerson ~ even did shrooms jape.

> > Ah, penis story...

> Really going above and beyond there.

She presented quite a challenge, so I felt obliged to (try to), erm,
rise to it.

LG
--
A n n a S h e f l - For email, substitute 'usenet' for its anagram
- "Never eat more than you can lift." --Miss Piggy -
alt.anagrams FAQ: http://theanna.org/grams/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">http://theanna.org/grams/
Weird news archive and more: http://theanna.org/